Hurt People Hurt People
Lashing out against my Mother
“Hello Mary. This is Maggie. I’m sure u know that your son decided to leave me so I can feel all the beauty of being single pregnant woman and single mother down the road. He definitely struggled thru life as unwanted child whose mother never cared… and now my unborn daughter has to deal with the same idiocy. I had my resentment to you for that and I couldn’t just hide it behind the fake smile during visitations. I don’t know how much you have left on this planet but for damn god sake prove your son that he is loved and wanted by his own mother ( while you still can), because he will destroy more lives down the road. There will be definitely someone who will cut their veins from this sort of stress, he is lucky I’m not the one who will do that. I have no family here. I’m alone and lonely against the whole world right now. And I have to figure out how I will live from the moment my daughter is out… I’m glad he is happy, having guests at his new apartment and giving two shits about me and his unborn child… I think he called me “ white trash “ once… but seems like he was a bit inaccurate… since that is the label he has to glue to his face. I’m done here. Sorry you will never see your grandchild… Having both parents alive and be an orphan( I’m talking about Ed)…. That is paradox , don’t you agree?”
This was the message my Mother received a few months ago. Where do you even start when you hear about something like this? I hadn’t even told my Ma about any of this yet. It’s hard to talk to people when things go wrong, especially when they’re significant and have lasting effects! So, she was ultimately in the dark about Maggie and I’s separation.
I called my Ma one day. Finally, I worked up the motivation to spill the beans and tell her about Maggie and me, how I moved out, and how we would no longer be together. We hadn’t spoken in a while, so as a bit of a joke, I told her I’ve got a lot to say and “Where should I start?” It was a rhetorical question, but my Ma responded with, “Well, why don’t you start with how you can Maggie split up?”. I was dumbstruck. I had no idea how she even knew, how she could possibly know. Yet, she did. So I gave her the scoop.
Afterward, I asked how she knew about it, and that’s when my Ma told me that Maggie had messaged her. She gave me the cliff notes of the message, and I was floored. Hearing what she says to me is tough, but as I’ve said before, I have likely said worse to myself. I can manage. Hearing what she has said to my Ma, though?! That was something I was unprepared for.
Learning about the message was like a punch to the gut. I was a mix of anger, sadness, and disbelief. How could Maggie say such hurtful things to my Ma? It’s one thing to attack me, but bringing my Mother into it crossed a line I never anticipated. The emotions were overwhelming, and I struggled to process it all.
This incident brought my Mother and me closer in some ways but also created a new tension. I felt like I needed to protect her from the fallout of my relationship with Maggie. We had some deep conversations about the past, my upbringing, and how much she cared for me. These talks were healing, but the hurt from Maggie’s words lingered, at least for me.
Maggie’s message was filled with anger and bitterness, revealing much about her pain. Hurt people hurt people. Reflecting on this, I realized how our unresolved issues can cause us to lash out in harmful ways. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken, starting with understanding and addressing our pain.
My Mother’s response to the whole situation was nothing short of incredible. Despite the hurtful words directed at her, she remained supportive and loving. Her strength gave me the courage to face the situation head-on. She’s pretty level-headed about most things and probably wouldn’t get too sappy about it unless we were drinking about it! Regardless, I believed this to be, objectively, a terrible thing to do from anybody’s perspective.
Dealing with this situation has been a journey of growth and reflection. I’ve learned valuable lessons about communication, forgiveness, and addressing past traumas. I’m working on improving my relationship with Bean’s Mother and finding healthier ways to communicate with her for the sake of our daughter.
This experience has taught me that words have immense power. They can hurt, but they can also heal. As I move forward, I aim to be more mindful of my words and actions, striving to break the cycle of hurt and build a future based on understanding and love.
